I don’t know about you, but I am feeling a bit run down these days, both physically and emotionally. I tend to find this time of year more challenging than others. Winter always hits me at some point, navigating more darkness (literally and metaphorically!) and dreariness — further heightened by the continuing storm of the pandemic.
I tend to welcome the other seasons with a more open heart. Although I appreciate the more consistent moments of inner reflection and internal focus that Winter brings, sometimes I can get dragged into the depth of it.
I have to be honest and say that this is taking a bit of a toll on me in terms of how I am showing up for myself, as a mom and as a partner. Feeling tired and depleted these days has made me think carefully about how to shift my habits in order to feel more nourished and joyful. This is a time of year for me when self-care feels even more critical to my well-being.
The beauty of self-care is that it is free, unique to you, doesn’t require a lot of time and can have a huge impact very quickly. A few practices sprinkled throughout your day can help recalibrate your energy and mood so that you can feel more grounded and connected.
Read on to find out more about self-care, what it truly means, what areas of your life could benefit from it and concrete steps and activities to implement this nourishing practice to your life.
If you are pressed for time, click here for the key takeaways by topic and check out the "bottom line" for each section:
What is self-care?
I see self-care as the mindful and conscious practice of taking time to pay attention to yourself in order to promote wellness. In essence, it is about caring for yourself. Self-care is a practice that nurtures and refuels you at a deep level.
I recently listened to Alex Elle on The Resetter Podcast with Mindy Pelz and I really loved her definition of self-care. She prefers to use the term “self-nurturing” and defines it as “an active act of community care”. She elaborates by saying that for us to be intentional and present, it is imperative that we take care of ourselves.
Self-care is multi-dimensional and takes different forms. Most of us imagine self-care as a physical practice, such as getting a massage or taking a bath. But there is more to it.
The dimensions of self-care
There are different areas of our being that require self-care. The self-care wheel by Olga Phoenix is a wonderful framework for identifying the areas of our being that can benefit from this practice. It’s a great tool to work with — you can download it here. The wheel offers great ideas about ways to check-in around these various areas of your life.
The main categories are:
Physical
This is probably the one category we are most familiar with when talking about self-care. It involves eating healthy, getting good quality sleep, exercising regularly, experiencing sexual/physical touch, and more.
Physical self-care often feels like the most tangible and concrete way to begin nourishing ourselves. But don’t stop there! You can build upon the practices you establish here to expand how you care for your entire being.
Psychological
We know that mental health is critical to our well-being. Psychological self-care can be cultivated by tapping into your creativity, practicing asking and receiving help, expanding self-awareness and mindfulness.
Spiritual
Spiritual self-care is deeply personal and unique to you. Think about your belief and value system and what is most important to you and try to embody it as much as possible.
Brainstorm around what your spiritual side needs most. Where do you feel most authentic? On a jog, in nature, when connected to a close friend, in a church, mosque or synagogue?
Personal
Personal self-care overlaps somewhat with psychological and spiritual self-care in the sense that it is about learning more about who you are, figuring out what you want in life and living your best intentional life.
Emotional
Emotional self-care is about acknowledging and accepting your feelings, fears, and worries. It’s about giving yourself love and compassion especially when you brush up against the more shamed or wounded parts of yourself. Practice opening your heart, creating a vessel of self-love and trusting that you are worth it.
Professional
Working (and this includes us moms working in the home) is something we spend most of our days and lives doing.
Practicing self-care in a work setting could involve boundary setting (not working while on holiday), taking time for lunch and leaving work at work.
Each of these domains offer unique spaces for care and attention.
Bottom line: Self-care touches upon the many different dimensions of our being: physical, psychological, spiritual, personal, emotional and professional.
Why self-care is vital to your well-being
Many people view self-care as a luxury or as a selfish activity. But self-care is anything but that — it is a priority. Feeling resourced when you are overwhelmed by life’s inevitable challenges is vital to surmounting these challenges and one way to fortify that resiliency is through self-care (APA, 2020; Psychology Today).
Resilience is associated with many health benefits, namely lower depression, longevity, an increase in happiness and a better ability to handle stress (Harvard, 2017).
However, many of us are simply not practicing self-care. A study by Kelton Global and Birchbox surveyed over 1,000 participants and found that most people (70%) do not make time for self-care, even though they feel burnt out. In addition:
-1 in 3 people feel guilty when they take time for themselves;
-Only 1 in 3 women consistently take time for self-care;
-67% report caring for others over their own self-care.
When you take steps to care for yourself, you are better equipped to create a life you love. If you don’t prioritize “you”, it may mean that you will not be able to show up as your best intentional and present self.
Bottom line: Self-care is vital to your well-being as it fortifies resilience which is essential in surmounting stress and life's inevitable challenges.
A consistent commitment to self-care is key for success
The beautiful thing about self-care is that the options are limitless. What coming home to the self feels and looks like will be different for each of us.
In order to experience the benefits of self-care, it is important to make a consistent commitment to the practice while also expanding your routine of caring for yourself to nourish all levels of your being. Habits require practice. What’s important is that the routine – and the consistent effort of caring for yourself – is always present.
The key is to identify which areas of your life need attention and engage in activities that support you on a regular basis. Keep in mind that your participation in self-care will ebb and flow. The areas of your life that need balance will shift and the ways in which you will want to fill those needs will also change.
You may even find that what worked for you one day is no longer what is needed the next day. Perhaps you recognize that although solitary time for inner reflection was needed at one point, now it transforms to needing more connection with loved ones. Be open and stay flexible.
Once you nourish one part of your being, space opens for another part of you to express its needs. Engaging in high quality self-care has a positive ripple effect on your life.
Bottom line: The forms self-care take are limitless and unique to you. However, for self-care to become a sustainable practice, it requires consistency and flexibility.
Creating a sustainable self-care plan
How do you even begin? You can start by asking yourself these questions: What does it look like to center myself? How do I want to feel and live this day? What is draining me?
The goal is to try to shift into an awareness of what is truly present at any given moment. Self-care is an invitation to ground yourself so you can also be present with yourself and everyone in your life.
Here are some steps to get off to a good start:
1) Take time (determine whether this is weekly, daily, every couple of days) to check in with yourself and identify which areas need support. Start small and build on the practices that serve you best.
If 5 minutes a day is all you can give, that’s fine. Don’t pressure yourself to do more, until you are ready to do so. The goal is to reconnect and rebalance — not overwhelm yourself with another thing on your to-do list.
2) Envision the beginning process as exploratory and as a way of getting to know yourself.
Remember to value progress over perfection. If one day you forget to practice self-care, then start with a fresh perspective.
3) Choose one area from the self-care wheel and brainstorm five self-care activities that might work for you. I suggest that you try this with the different areas of your life that are needing nourishment.
This is an opportunity to try out different practices and see what works best for you. What brings you joy? Fulfillment? Grounding? Over time you will figure out what activities you love the most and these will be the ones you will most likely practice consistently.
4) Schedule time in your calendar or use an alarm clock as a reminder for each self-care activity.
5) Ask for the support of friends and family for the activities that require extra accountability.
If you are lacking motivation, you may even consider pairing up with a friend or someone close to you.
5) Be fully present when you are practicing self-care. It is best to prioritize quality over amount of time.
If you take a 30 minute walk, but spend that time ruminating over an incident that has been worrying you, it will not benefit you. However, if you can sit and meditate for 5 minutes, be completely still and present with what is — this will likely have a greater impact on your well-being.
Creating effective self-care rituals involves establishing a positive attitude and a determined mind-set. By allowing yourself the time and space to practice self-care and taking a break from the challenges of life that may be weighing you down, you and those around you will reap the benefits.
You will be able to slowly and more consistently show up in your day in a way that feels intentional and grounded. You cannot control what comes your way, but you have agency in how you approach your life circumstances. A bit of self-care each day can go a long way!
Here are a few links to activities and tools:
A self-care checklist:
Ideas for self-care activities:
Questions to consider when considering self-care practices:
Bottom line: Creating a sustainable self-care plan includes taking time to check-in with yourself, starting small and building upon the practices you've explored, using the self-care wheel to brainstorm about activities, setting time aside to practice and implement these habits, asking for support when needed, being fully present and committing to a positive attitude.
It may take you some time to figure out which self-care approach works best for you. What’s important is that you do YOU.
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